I just realised how terrible this week has been. I mean..I go to sch everyday..hoping things would turn out for the better..then somehow I'll get a blow (or maybe blows) that would trigger off my sadness. I can't believe how suay I was today..being in a sad mood and getting scolded by that wyt. I was sitting at the corridor with Shuyan then she was walking up the stairs with that "kork kork" sound from her shoes. Then she said "Jessie right, come here" and made me walk up to her. It was so scary cos I was alone! Sigh I knew she was going to scold me upside down and make me the scapegoat for her own mistake. She told me she would come in 40min after Eng and she claims she said 40min after recess. Whatever..teachers like her would never admit their mistakes. But I just feel terrible about getting scolded for nothing. But not worse than Xueling I guess. Cheer up gal.

So sad I was like struggling to fight back all the sadness & tears..finally I took up my foolscap Lit things and got out of the classroom. I really think I looked so pathetic..trying to do my Lit and weep silently at the same time. Gosh thank goodness I was out of class..so embarrassing......

Think talking to Xueling was some form of therapy. At least I don't have to bottle up all my emotions..but so weird..it's only when I'm acting strangely that people from all over the place start to show concern for me. But...like what's the use...the pain can't be undone right...but never mind. At least for now I don't have that strong feeling that I'm being ignored and transparent. Cos people actually noticed the change in me. WOW.

Don't think there will ever be a solution to my problems..guess I'll just have to change my mindset..maybe do a little bit of brainwashing again..that'll probably do the trick. I do hope I can be my cheerful self again..cos I can't hold out much longer you know.